I saw the film Stand By Me the other day, a coming of age tale of friendship and self-discovery adapted from a Stephen King novella. After watching the movie, I felt an emptiness that resonated from within that has kept me in a funk that I haven't been able to fully shake off as I write this piece. In the movie, 4 young friends go on an adventure the result of which can be one of two things - its either the bonds of friendship will be broken or it will be strengthened and preserved for as long as they live. Its a very touching tale, one that will make an individual examine his own life to reminisce of the precocious and carefree stage in life called youth. As I look back on my own youth, I realize that such memories do not exist for me. And it is because of this fact that I am somewhat saddened. But wait, the aforementioned statement may seem to harsh that it might lead readers to form the conclusion that I had a deprived childhood or I might have even been abused. No, none of these things happened. What I am drifting at to be able to say that I missed out on some significant events of my youth is this...

I have never had a childhood friend - that buddy you've known since you were wee tots growing up, that person you shared your toys with, whom you played with and fought with, that kid you shared your early childhood insecurities and anxieties with. I don't know, maybe my idea of having a childhood best friend may be as idealistic as how I view life. But its a thought that has always been nagging me at the back of my head for intermittent periods in my life. Why was I not able to cultivate a friendship from my youth? As I ponder on this thought, I realize that most of the friends I have now, those whom I consider to be good friends, were from relationships that started not so long ago - from when I was already into my adolescence? What does that tell you about me? I don't know, honestly. Was I not a congenial individual when I was young? Did I isolate myself from having social contact with people? Was I such a loser when I was a child? Unfortunately, these questions are very tough to answer now for the simple reason that I don't know how I handled myself back then.

I don't know, maybe this "problem" is not supposed to be a big deal. I bet that to most people, its not. But to me however, it is, because I think I would have turned out differently from what I am today. Would I have been more confident, more sure of myself, more outgoing? I guess that's water under the bridge now. I'm not saying that its a regret in my life that I would wish to turn back, but more of a realization that maybe I missed out on something that would probably have made an indelible mark, a significant impact.

There, I'm feeling much better now. I just had to get that out of my system.