...

The past few days have pretty much been a roller-coaster ride of sharp turns, steep falls, and nauseating loops. I don't even know what to feel anymore. I have to be strong and brave...for my family, cause I'm sure that the coming days are going to be rougher and more turbulent. I have to force myself to be happy and keep busy, otherwise i'm going to fold. So what I'm going to do is to hold the fort for as long as I can bear it - to be emotionless throughout this entire ordeal until it blows over. To be seemingly unaffected and to act as if everything's normal is the only way I can think of to get through this.

I want to afraid for myself, but I can't - cause I see what fear is doing to my dad, and I can't accept what it has turned him into. His own fear has defeated him, pounded him into submission, and left him in a wreck. I don't even recognize my dad anymore.  I feel very sorry for him, I can't even comprehend the amount of stress and anxiety he's going through right now. Whatever the outcome of his predicament may be, I'm sure that he's going to end up emotionally scarred for the rest of his life and he's never going to be the same.