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The past few days have pretty much been a roller-coaster ride of sharp turns, steep falls, and nauseating loops. I don't even know what to feel anymore. I have to be strong and brave...for my family, cause I'm sure that the coming days are going to be rougher and more turbulent. I have to force myself to be happy and keep busy, otherwise i'm going to fold. So what I'm going to do is to hold the fort for as long as I can bear it - to be emotionless throughout this entire ordeal until it blows over. To be seemingly unaffected and to act as if everything's normal is the only way I can think of to get through this.

I want to afraid for myself, but I can't - cause I see what fear is doing to my dad, and I can't accept what it has turned him into. His own fear has defeated him, pounded him into submission, and left him in a wreck. I don't even recognize my dad anymore.  I feel very sorry for him, I can't even comprehend the amount of stress and anxiety he's going through right now. Whatever the outcome of his predicament may be, I'm sure that he's going to end up emotionally scarred for the rest of his life and he's never going to be the same.    

Congratulate Me!

Today, I reached a new milestone in my life - I was actually able to last a whole year working in a company! I didn't think it was even humanly possible. I can finally say that I had the patience to stick to a job, albeit 365 days. Though a year is nothing compared to people starting and ending their careers with one company (That will never happen to me, by the way), I still am proud of the fact that I was able to hold on this long. It was a combination of different factors actually - good people, good pay, and a light workload! Haha! Call me a slacker, but its the truth. If you've got all these things working for you, 1 year is a breeze!

The Problem With Being In The Marketing Industry

The title itself is self-explanatory. Working in the marketing field for almost a year and a half now has allowed me to make a few observations regarding this industry , more specifically, how non-marketing people see us.

Catching up with different individuals over the holidays contributed to my observation that people who don't work in the industry have a very vague idea as to what marketers (people who are in marketing) really do. I've observed this on more than one occasion. For example, when talking to a friend who works in the field of computers. He asked me what I did for work. I nonchalantly replied "Oh I work in the Marketing Department." I literally saw his eyes turn glassy, as if he was a deer staring into the headlights. He absolutely had no idea what I do for a living.

Do you notice that most professions evoke a certain image in the mind whenever one mentions it? When you say "I'm a nurse", for example, you immediately picture a lady in a white outfit, carrying a bunch of charts and an array of medical tools. When one says "I'm a chef", you picture a jolly, balding man wearing a chef's hat and an apron. Heck, even the word call-center agent evokes an image of a person sitting at a desk, wearing a headset, mindlessly jaberring away. However, when you now say, "I'm a marketer." Now what image comes to your mind? An old lady carrying a big rattan basket, on her way to the wet market to buy fish heads and what not. Seriously speaking, the profession known as a marketer does not even evoke an image in the minds of people who are not in the industry. Now how fulfilling is that?

The better question to answer is - What does a person in Marketing really do? Honestly, I don't really know the answer to this question, and i've been asked more than a few times. What do I reply to queries like this? I give them the patronizing, talking to a 3 year old spiel: "Well, I handle a particular brand. I prepare marketing plans, I come up with promotions for it, I evendevelop TV commercials (even that's a lie)." I give them this answer with the hope that whoever I'm talking to is satisfied enough, and drops the topic altogether. Maybe I don't really have a clear grasp as to what a marketer like me is supposed to be doing, and combine that with poor explaining skills - you come up with a half-assed explanation like that.

I think being in this field requires a person to be a jack-of-all-trades. You have to know a little bit of everything. Here's how I sum it up - you need a little bit of an artist's creativity, a dash of an accountant's financial acumen, a story-teller's imagination, a businessman's savvy, a pinch of a fortune teller's foresight (or lack of), the persuasion skills of the Godfather, and the theatrics of a Hollywood actor. Yes, I honestly think that this is what one needs to thrive in the field of marketing. However, be reminded of what they say about jack-of-all-trades - they are masters of none.

The Art (Or Lack Of) Small Talk

I went to all of these gatherings and reunions over the holidays, hobnobbing with new people and reconnecting with old friends who knew me from my days as a student. During casual conversations and other verbal exchanges one would define as small talk, the conversation almost always seems to go the topic of work and things related to work. I like to believe that its an unwritten rule when making small talk. Here's how a typical small talk conversation goes on my end.

Me: Hi! How are you? (Peck on the cheek if its a girl, handshake for a guy)
Person: Hi! I'm fine. I'm doing great. So what do you do now?
Me: Oh, I'm working already
Person: Thats great, so where do you work?
Me: (Knowing that if I gave the name of the company I was working for, it wouldn't even register, but I try anyway) I work for NutriAsia
Person: NutriAsia??
Me: (This is hopeless) I work for the company that makes Datu Puti, Mang Tomas, and UFC Ketchup
Person: Oh!!! OK. Wow, that's a good company!
Me: (What's so great about a company that makes vinegar?) Yeah, its alright.

At this point, I always think that after all the pleasantries are over, and I can now go back to being my silent, unassuming self (In other words, be left alone). Sometimes, its over after the initial exchange, but more often than not, the conversation gets more long winded and painful to bear.

Person: Where's your office?
Me: Its in Ortigas.
Person: Where in Ortigas?
Me: (I stop and think for a while, as I am really bad with directions) Uhhh, its at Centerpoint Condominium (The person i'm talking to has a blank stare), At Garnet Road (Still drawing blanks), Near Emerald (Finally, a spark of recognition) and Metrowalk (I think he/she knows where i'm driving at)
Person: Yeah, I know that place. Where do you live?
Me: (I'm already anticipating another exchange waiting to happen, I make ready with my canned answers) Paranaque
Person: Wow! That's far. How do you get to work?
Me: Sometimes I drive. Most often I take the MRT
Person: MRT? From where?
Me: From Ayala
Person: What's in Ayala?
Me: I ride to work with my Dad, he works in Makati. Sometimes I leave my car there, and just take the train. Its better that way. Less traffic. (At this point, I don't think I can keep up with this type of conversation any longer. I pray that the other person drops the topic)

I really have a problem with small talk. I can only dish it out in small doses and short bursts. If there was a Small Talk 101 being offered anywhere, I would probably be first in line to sign-up.

Post-Holiday Funk

I think I've developed a kind of  post-holiday depression. Probably from enjoying the holiday season too much. Now that it has come and gone,  I feel that my vigor and energy has left with it. The rejuvenated feeling I was hoping for with the new year has not materialized as of yet.

For the past days since the calendar changed years, I've been feeling lethargic. I don't want to move, and when I do use my motor skills, I get tired easily. I also thought that I would be excited to go back to work once the year starts. Boy, was I wrong. I hate work right now. I hate how the office looks and I hate to admit it, but I wasn't looking forward to seeing any of my officemates. I'm not in the right frame of mind to work, i've even entertained thoughts of ditching work completely.  I want to be alone, isolated from everyone.

Yesterday, I was sick. My stomach was bothering me and I was running a fever. Today is a little bit better, but i'm still far from being at my optimum level. I snapped at people for no apparent reason, other than just not wanting to converse with anyone. Right now, I am not focused. I'm thinking of many things, not having anything specific to do. I'm on survival mode, doing routinary activities to help me find my groove.  Just hoping for the funk to leave my body and everything to get back to the normal scheme of things.

I want to sleep in, but my body doesn't want to cooperate. I don't want to eat, but my stomach protests. At least my body doesn't want me to give in to depression quite easily. The mind however, is another creature altogether. My mind is in conflict with itself. I want to be angry, but I am yearning for comfort. I want to be alone, but I am looking for contact.

I feel like an idiot by posting this rant here, but i've learned that writing down things, specifically my pains, helps me get over them easily. Should you read this, and feel compelled to write something in return, please do so. I think its going to help a great deal. Also, if you think my condition is actually worse than what I've been writing gibberish about, do tell me, so that I may talk to someone and get a prescription for it.