AN ODE TO MY IPOD

Where have you been all my life? I first met you 1 1/2 years ago. You were given to me as a gift, which back then I was hesitant to accept, just because I thought I didn't deserve you yet. But as the fates would allow, I took you in my hands, and your prisitine and immaculate aesthetic captivated me. I had to have you. You were bought for me, at 0% interest for 12 months. And I was happy. I kept your receipt, just in case something terrible befell you during your warranty period. I bought you a jet-black leather case to house you in, and that is where you have been since. Although at times, I would take you out of your abode and just admire your beauty. I would gently wipe away the prints, fuss over your small scratches, which I know gave you character, implore you to never leave me, and dread the day when I am faced with no ther choice but to get an upgrade. But until that time comes, I am loyal only to you.

You have been a constant and loyal companion to me. You were with me during the slow days, as well as the fast times. You were with me when I took serene walks and panicked half-jogs. You are with me during my travels to and from work, with me clasping you hard in my palm. You were always present during long waits, content to entertain me with your service. You have waited with me during flight delays, kept me company during self-imposed alone times. Whenever I felt like hiding from the world and drowning out the noise of the everyday crowd, I turn to you for refuge. Although your battery life isn't as long as what was promised me, I have no regrets. Whatever time we spend together, with you giving the music and me just taking it all in, is worth the time of waiting for you to finish your customary 3-hour charge.

But I also have my responsibilities to you. I take it upon myself as a personal responsibility, to keep you abreast with the latest offerings from the musical world. It is my duty to mold you into a well-rounded machine. As regularly as I can, I load you up with tunes that span different genres and musical fields. I diligently update you with music, which I believe improves your character and gives you personality. Although I must admit that I have instilled a little too much classical and world music and less of the contemporary, mainstream music that people are accustomed to. But then again, I have never lent you to anyone except to hear a few snippets of music. I love you just the way you are. And like a proud parent, I am happy with just how you turned out to be. With 2500 songs tucked in your vast memory, you are now the eclectic and cultured machine I envisioned you to be.

You have provided the musical score to my life. A smile never fails to paint my face whenever you play a song that I love. I always keep your playlists at random, giving you the freedom to play whatever you like. I also enjoy being pleasantly surprised at your choices. You have never failed to make my heart soar by playing inspiring music from Adiemus and Enya. You made me rock out to tunes from The Who, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, and Linkin Park. You have made me realize my childhood fantasies of becoming a knight and living in a world of magic by making me listen to musical scores from gifted composers such as Hans Zimmer, John Williams, and Howard Shore. You appeased my occasional longing for a religious outlet by having Bukas Palad and The Mormon Tabernacle Choir in your playlist. You also keep my dreams of becoming a balladeer alive by making me sing to Brian McKnight or John Mayer, and even James Ingram. You've also taught me. Yes, you have given me a crash course in music appreciation by making me hear classics from the Beatles, Lenny Kravitz, Motown, and The Rolling Stones. Thanks to you, I now know that Beethoven was not just a dog and I can pronounce Tchaikovsky with pride. Although sometimes you make me blush when you play what few Britneys and JLOs you have in your system, but thats what the skip button is for.

Now you see how important you are to me? I find my day to be lacking if I don't get to listen to your voice, if only for 15 minutes. In the short time we have been acquainted, you have evolved to become an extension of my life. We have both been through things during this span of time. You are more worn out, a little tired, with a few battle scars to show. I am a little bit wiser, with a life more meaningful because of the music you provided. I am writing this now because I feel you slowly slipping away from me. Your battery life is shorter than ever, and your grand children are shaping up to be beautiful as well. I figured that I should offer a homage to you before everything is lost and I do find that replacement unit. But rest assured that until that day comes that I won't be able to force the life out of you, when the beauty of music has finally left your memory, I will stick it out with you.

DLSU Survey

Non-Lasallians also welcome!!

( ) got caught by the DO (I was a good boy all throughout my tenure. Boring)
(x) wore inappropriate attire (I wore shorts during summer classes, does that count?)
(x) watched a UAAP la salle vs ateneo game live in araneta (you can't be called a Lasallian unless you experience this!)
(x) ate at AGNO (Even if I know it wasn't clean, what the heck. I'll have chicken teriyaki any day!)
( ) smoked at AGNO (I don't smoke, but I've hung around Agno with people who smoked)
(x) hungout at AGNO (See above)
(x) hungout at a friend's condo
(x) sung the alma mater (who hasn't?)
(x) swam at the olympic size swimming pool (I had swimming for P.E. - not my choice!)
(x) had class in all the buildings (even in the hidden building known as Mutien Marie)
(x) used the football field (We used to sit there a lot for R.O.T.C.)
(x) hung out in ampitheater (especially when I was an irreg)
(x) watched something during the u-break in the ampitheater (a number of concerts and political rallies)
(x) cross enrolled
(x) be a 1st honors dean's lister (Of course!)
(x) be a 2nd honors dean's lister (Most definitely)
( ) got a 0.0 (almost got one during the 1st term of my freshman year. I had to beg my Algebra prof to pass me, and he did!)
(x) got a 4.0 (i'm no stranger to this)
(x) ate in mcdonalds (who hasn't?)
(x) ate in UM (i remember eating at a Japanese place named Taketori aka Bamboo Bird)
(x) ate somewhere outside near the campus
(x) borrow/reserved something in the IMS (I borrowed projectors numerous times, I even broke a projector lamp)
( ) got a major or minor offense (like i said, i was a model student)
( ) went out with 5 or more blockmates during freshmen year (i'll have to pass from answering this question)
(x) walked around the campus with 4 or more blockmates after freshmen year (like sheep being led to a slaughter)
(x) cut a class together with blockmates (I may be a good student, but it didn't stop me from cutting class. and oh, dean's listers can cut class anytime they feel like it)
(x) begged for a higher grade during course card distribution (i did try, but as for my success rate, thats another story)
(x) adjust (early adjustments days were usually the most stressful days in my life)
(x) be active in an organization (POPS Orchestra and a little bit of TAPAT)
(x) be a member of TAPAT or SANTUGON
(x) be stereotyped by others according to your college (what college does good-looking fall into?)
(x) get an alarm sound when you scan your id (South Gate scanners suck)
(x) talked to your LAMB aside from LPEP (Not after the freshman year, although one of my LAMBS is in my Friendster)
( ) been deceived by the false names of professors in the on-line enrollment (I usually do a background check on professors before I enroll
( ) paid surcharge (I don't like the hassle)
(x) went to the chapel (Believe it or not, I actually did - numerous times)
(x) heard mass (does the Baccalaureate Mass count?)
( ) visited the museum (unfortunately not)
(x) knew a xerox lady (and got a discount because of it)
(x) slept in the library (during downtimes when everyone else had class)
(x) got to know mang jack (give me a LaSallian who hasn't heard of him. but was the question referring to getting to know Mang Jack intimately? Then i'll have to say hell no!)
(x) got to know jenny (oh yes, she/he even shared an umbrella with me during one of the rainy days)
(x) got/gave something from/to someone during the valentines week (i gave roses to all of my girl friends, note the separation of the words girl and friends)
( ) had a class after 6:00 pm (I had a couple of 6 - 9 exams though)
(x) talked about someone passing by while on a bench in SJ walk (my favorite pasttime! making fun of the people who walked in SJ, evil at its best!)
(x) studied in conservatory (Especially during my HUMBIO days. When I shifted to marketing, the conserv was mainly used as a cooling station)
(x) printed somewhere near outside the campus (I even had stuff laminated)
(x) typed somewhere near outside the campus (for a trimester, Alva and Netopia became a second home)
(x) crammed (as much as I hated cramming, you just can't help it)
(x) did a last minute paper (i should'nt be admitting to this)
(x) dated a lasallian
(x) had a crush on your blockmate (my first girlfriend was a blockmate)
(x) had a crush on your classmate (classmates)
(x) had a crush on your professor (her name was Ms. Lee, and she taught Chem Lab)
(x) had a crush on a schoolmate (hanging out in SJ Walk will do this to you)
(x) attended a seminar outside lasalle (Mostly for Marketing, and they were expensive!)
( ) talked to a lasallian celebrity (I don't really give high regard to Lasallian celebrities)
( ) slept in a class (I don't have the balls to do this)
(x) had a lasallian girlfriend/boyfriend
( ) been in a conflict with a professor (you mean fist-fight?, nope)
(x) witness pda inside the campus (oh yes, the horrors!)
(x) use a computer in the computer laboratories (to enroll, to type, to surf - name it, i've done it)
( ) be drunk somewhere near outside the campus (i only very recently discovered the evils of alcohol
( ) forget your ID at home (this was my biggest fear back in the day, fortunately, it never happened)
(x) get exempted from finals (about a couple of times)
( ) stay at school till 10:00 or later (i didn't love LaSalle enough to do this)
(x) actually read a whole article in The Lasallian (read it from cover to cover)
(x) actually read a whole article in Plaridel (read it from cover to cover)
(x) took time to look at the 'Proudly Lasallian' stands in the campus (i think i remember doing this)
(x) thought that yuchengco restrooms are the best restrooms (cleanest and biggest!)
(x) shifted / planned to shift (succeeded in shifting - from HUMBIO to Marketing)
(x) read a whole book borrowed at the library (i even read a whole book IN the Library
(x) eat inside the classroom (even at the Science laboratories, with dead stuff and all)
( ) get a txt or call with your cellphone not in silentmode during class (always kept my phone on silent mode while in class. Loser)
(x) spend money for 1X1 ID picture
(x) break something in the laboratory (both beakers and test tubes )
(x) ask the library for an endorsement (i accidentally returned a book late, i couldn't enroll. Imagine the hassle!)
(x) entered the thesis room in the library (by the time I graduated from DLSU, I was a common sight in the library)
(x) searched a professor in the DLSU website (probably when i was doing background checks on them)
( ) park in the beach (never brought a car througout my stay there, i've hung around the beach though)
( ) park in Sports Complex (i've hung out at the SC parking lot though)
(x) eat siomai (inside or outside near the school) (siomai in Z2 rocks!)
(x) tasked to photocopy for a bunch of people (earned me a few pogi points as well)
(x) enter a job fair in campus (came close to getting a job there)
(x) buy a raffle ticket, donate something, sign a signature campaign inside the campus (never won though)
(x) sell raffle tickets, ask for donations, made people sign signature campaigns inside the campus (i've did my share of this)
(x) watch something at night in the yuchengco theater
( ) make a video for a class project
(x) make a powerpoint presentation (oh yes)
(x) give a very low evaluation to a professor (this was the only way to get back at them)
(x) eat inside the java cafe (they have good chicken there.)
( ) be pissed with a guard (never paid much attention to them)
(x) go to the clinic (for the dreaded Physical Exams! ugh!)
( ) nearly reached / reached excess absences (i don't have to worry about this, me being in the DL and all...)
(x) pick a popular professor (what were my background checks for if not for this)
(x) be the one to make the 'mass overload sound' in an elevator (I laughed at people who have had this unfortunate event happen to them, until i experienced it myself. Man, ego burst)
(x) buy something in the bookstore (test booklets, text books, the rare greeting card)
( ) lose your cellphone (i'm proud to say that i haven't lost a phone...yet)

A BOOK THAT WILL HOPEFULLY CHANGE MY LIFE

Here's the book I've been raving about for the past couple of entries. The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

I can compare it to JD Salinger's The Catcher And The Rye in a modern (early 90's) setting, given an MTV-esque twist. Its basically a coming of age story of a young boy (I would say young man, given the level of his introspectiveness) who is described to be a wallflower, going on a journey of self-discovery. I found this book to be very moving and relevant to my life. If only everyone would have the chance to read this book at an early age, the world would probably be a better off place (Ha!, hows that for a testimonial).

Thanks to the people who forced me to read this book, it turned out to be a very reflective and hopefully, life-changing experience for me reading it.

Another moving poem, taken from the book "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. Makes you feel good to be alive

UNTITLED

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green line

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Chops"

because that was the name of his dog

And that's what it was all about

And his teacher gave him an A

and a gold star

And his mother hung it on the kitchen door

and read it to his aunts

That was the year Father Tracy

took all the kids to the zoo

And he let them sing on the bus

And his little sister was born

with tiny toenails and no hair

And his mother and father kissed a lot

And the girl around the corner sent him a

Valentine signed with a row of X's

and he had to ask his father what the X's meant

And his father always tucked him in bed at night

And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Autumn"

because that was the name of the season

And that's what it was all about

And his teacher gave him an A

and asked him to write more clearly

And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because of its new paint

And the kids told him

That Father Tracy smoked cigars

And left butts on the pews

And sometimes they would burn holes

That was the year his sister got glasses

with thick lenses and black frames

And the girl around the corner laughed

when he asked her to go see Santa Claus

And the kids told him why

his mother and father kissed a lot

And his father never tucked him to bed at night

And his father got mad

when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Innocence: A Question"

because that was the question about his girl

And that's what is was all about

And his professor gave him an A

and a strange steady look

And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because he never showed her

That was the year Father Tracy died

And he forgot how the end

of the Apostle's Creed went

And he caught his sister

making out on the back porch

And his mother and father never kissed

or even talked

And the girl around the corner

wore too much makeup

That made him cough when he kissed her

but he kissed her anyway

because that was the thing to do

And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed

his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag

he tried another poem

And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"

Because that's what it was all about

And he give himself an A

and a slash on each damned wrist

And he hung it on the bathroom door

because this time he didn't think

he could reach the kitchen

One of my favorite poems:

Children

Works of Kahlil Gibran

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, 'Speak to us of Children.'

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

On Being A Wallflower

I read a fantastic short novel over the week end. Its called "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. A friend who introduced me to this book apparently saw me in the main character of the story when she read it, and consequently persuaded me to read it as well. I read this book in one sitting over the course of two and a half hours on a Friday night. The story made such an impression and struck a chord that I had to read it again on Sunday.

I remember being called a Wallflower back when I was still in highschool. No one bothered to explain what the term meant, but being the naive person that I was at the time, I remember being offended at being called a wallflower. My idea of a wallflower was a person who no one bothered to pay attention to - the type of person nobody wanted to dance with during the prom and other social events. In an age where acceptance was all that mattered, being called a wallflower and having a misconception with the term's definition was enough to burst someone's ego. Until very recently, this was how shallow my definition of a wallflower was. The book defined a wallflower as someone who sees...and understands. He is content to stand outside the fringes of life and observe what is happening, content not to meddle in circumstances both mundane and meaningful. A person who chooses to retreat to his solitary shell and resolve things on his own, rather than inconvenience the people around him. He is a person who listens and is good at it, but chooses not to involve himself for fear of rejection and being hurt. With these definitions, I accept myself at being a Wallflower.

I was surprised to find how similar I was to the main character in terms of his introspectiveness with the events happening around him. The way he gets affected and emotional at the slightest things vividly reminded me of my awkward years. I was particularly struck by one of the lines in the story when he said that being alone and spending time alone used to be so easy for him. This still holds true for me today in some ways. "Participating", the term used for being involved in other people's lives is something i've only learned to do very recently, and the truth is - there are still a lot of factors (or hang-ups, whatever you may call them) holding me back and keeping me from devoting myself to fully participate in life. In my heart, I know I am ready and should be ready to live and be involved, but in my mind, warning signs flash in my head that tell me that I might get burned. This is my internal conflict. This is what I have to live with everyday until I gather up the courage and will to overcome my demons. I end this entry with a memorable line from the book, which the main character says will never forget for the rest of his life. I personally believe it is open to many interpretations, depending on the mood or state of mind one is in. In the same light, I too, will never forget this statement: "We accept the love we deserve."

I made my Christmas shopping list this morning and I made a realization, though not at all surprising if you knew me well, that made me ponder on the extent of my involvement in all things social: I have kept in touch with very few people over the years. What made me come to this conclusion? I was able to finish my holiday list in about 30 seconds - family and friends included.

While people may always quote the cliche that its not in the quantity of friends one has, but in the quality, I still find it mildly disturbingto realize that I've virtually lost contact with the people I considered good friends from a period of 5 years ago and less. And it's not that i've burned bridges with all of them, but more of a matter of just being too preoccupied with other things at the time.

Of course, the blame for this can only be pointed at me. I know that if i'd only made the time and given enough effort, I wouldn't be at the current state i'm in regarding friendships. No, I am not feeling pitiful at myself for the lack of depth in my social network...yet. I even consider myself lucky for having what set of friends I keep myself up to speed with. They are all gems in my book. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a few more meaningful connections. Although the upside is that you have fewer names to remember for the holidays, the trade-off could be a life-time of pondering why you let a what would have been good friendship slip away because you were too lazy to do anything about it...