On Being A Wallflower

I read a fantastic short novel over the week end. Its called "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. A friend who introduced me to this book apparently saw me in the main character of the story when she read it, and consequently persuaded me to read it as well. I read this book in one sitting over the course of two and a half hours on a Friday night. The story made such an impression and struck a chord that I had to read it again on Sunday.

I remember being called a Wallflower back when I was still in highschool. No one bothered to explain what the term meant, but being the naive person that I was at the time, I remember being offended at being called a wallflower. My idea of a wallflower was a person who no one bothered to pay attention to - the type of person nobody wanted to dance with during the prom and other social events. In an age where acceptance was all that mattered, being called a wallflower and having a misconception with the term's definition was enough to burst someone's ego. Until very recently, this was how shallow my definition of a wallflower was. The book defined a wallflower as someone who sees...and understands. He is content to stand outside the fringes of life and observe what is happening, content not to meddle in circumstances both mundane and meaningful. A person who chooses to retreat to his solitary shell and resolve things on his own, rather than inconvenience the people around him. He is a person who listens and is good at it, but chooses not to involve himself for fear of rejection and being hurt. With these definitions, I accept myself at being a Wallflower.

I was surprised to find how similar I was to the main character in terms of his introspectiveness with the events happening around him. The way he gets affected and emotional at the slightest things vividly reminded me of my awkward years. I was particularly struck by one of the lines in the story when he said that being alone and spending time alone used to be so easy for him. This still holds true for me today in some ways. "Participating", the term used for being involved in other people's lives is something i've only learned to do very recently, and the truth is - there are still a lot of factors (or hang-ups, whatever you may call them) holding me back and keeping me from devoting myself to fully participate in life. In my heart, I know I am ready and should be ready to live and be involved, but in my mind, warning signs flash in my head that tell me that I might get burned. This is my internal conflict. This is what I have to live with everyday until I gather up the courage and will to overcome my demons. I end this entry with a memorable line from the book, which the main character says will never forget for the rest of his life. I personally believe it is open to many interpretations, depending on the mood or state of mind one is in. In the same light, I too, will never forget this statement: "We accept the love we deserve."